What if you grew up looking significantly different from literally every person around you? Not only did you have a distinct look, but you had a very different set of values, spoke a unique language at home, traveled frequently, moved to various cities/villages, and talked of spiritual realities that seemed totally foreign. If that describes you, you might be a missionary kid. Missionary kids face a number of challenges that monocultural people are not even aware of. Jones points out that in a small community, nearly everyone has lived there for years if not decades. Nearly everyone shares cultural values and assumes that they all understand each other. Visiting MKs might look like average kids in small-town America, but are in a sense, a mix of two different cultures, and therefore are a subset of TCKs or Third-culture kids. Unfortunately, MKs often feel that they got the short end of the stick, because they have to leave their grandparents to go overseas, or they have to leave their pets and friends when they go back to their passport country (usually their parents’ home). Imagine a teen Mk knowing that in just a few short years they will have to leave everything they have known, including family and language, to return to their passport country for education or employment. That could be quite a time bomb. My purpose in reading this book is to better understand my own children, MKs themselves, and be better able to minister to them.

Dr Matt Jones, a friend of mine, gave some poignant truths: “MKs desperately need Christ-honoring relationships, but the MK experience is often cluttered with barriers that hinder the creation of those good, healthy relationships. On the surface these barriers might seem insignificant, but they quietly shape the way an MK sees the world, themselves, and others around them.” He points out three barriers to deep relationships: 1. “Looking and Sounding Different Can Make Life Hard 2. Leaving Is Inevitable. 3. MKs are Generally Viewed as Wealthy and Privileged.” (On their field) I would unfortunately have to agree that I have often overlooked the difficulties my kids (and other MKs) face. I have not been sensitive to their plight. I have sometimes thought that my own children’s difficulties were lesser because they were born here. This is not to say that MKs are “disadvantaged” but that they face challenges that many young people never have even considered. Jones states “An unfortunate truth in the world of missions is that parents, missions organizations, and supporting churches predominantly treat the rigorous challenges of MK life — especially those associated with high mobility, transitions, and repatriation — much like heart disease. If there are no obvious problems on the surface, we just ignore them.”

Application: I want to be more sensitive to my children’s difficulties and challenges. I will purposefully invest in their lives and strive to have open, honest conversations as a family at least once a week.

One of the main difficulties for MKs is the life of transitions. Jones says “When we talk about MK transitions, we are referring to a lot more than just returning for college or work after high school graduation. We are also including all the back and forth that fills the first two decades of most MKs’ lives.” He shares with us five different phases 1. “Engaged and Involved – This is when life is normal and consistent for an MK. They know their routines, and they know what to say and do in their current culture. 2. Leaving – As soon as an MK becomes aware of an upcoming change in location, they have entered into the second phase of transition — the Leaving phase. 3. Transit – Your MK enters this phase the moment you get into the car or airplane to move geographically from one place to another. At this point in time, all the normalcy and consistency of life gets thrown out the window and is replaced by chaos and uncertainty. 4. Entering – Once they have landed in the new place, your MK is entering the fourth phase and is looking for ways to fit in and understand their new circumstances. Nothing is normal. Nothing is familiar. Nothing is consistent. 5. Re-Engaged – When your MK has begun putting down roots, making friends, and learning routines, and they have become active in a local church, they are finally entering the fifth stage of transition. This is where they are getting plugged into life and start feeling like they belong.”

One of the things that I love about this book is that Jones doesn’t just note problems, like some sort of clinical psychologist. He gives solid, concrete, Biblical answers. He points out that MKs, like many Christians in the past, are vividly aware of their status as pilgrims and aliens in this world. He leads us as parents, pastors, and missionaries to help MKs learn that their identity is in Christ. He directs us to several passages in 1 Peter, as well as some in the Psalms and Romans, amongst many others, in order to help MKs have a Biblical perspective on their lives.

Application: As I direct the South American MK camp in Lima in a few months, I look forward to putting many of these things into practice. I want to minister first and foremost to my own children, by understanding their issues. I want to be measurably more kind, compassionate, and patient with my kids.