By Paul David Tripp

What is this book about and who should read it? The subtitle of the book really answers both of those questions. This book is for anyone in need of change (hint: that is all of us). The book is about (as the subtitle states) “People in need of change helping people in need of change”. Tripp has given us a very helpful resource, both for professional counselors and for average Christians. I believe that the mindset section at the beginning of the book would ideally be read by every believer. Here are a few things that I thought of utmost importance.
Tripp writes “In our self-absorbed culture, we need to see the grandeur of this kingdom. We cannot shrink it to the size of our needs and desires. It takes us far beyond our personal situations and relationships. The King came not to make our agenda possible, but to draw us into something more amazing, glorious, and wonderful than we could ever imagine.” (p.4) He continues by pointing our attention to the amazing throne-room scene in Revelation 19 and states “Two things capture the hearts of the assembled throng. The first is that Christ has won the final victory. His will has been done, his plan accomplished, and he reigns without challenge forever…The second glorious thing is that the ultimate celebration has finally come, the wedding of the Lamb. (p.5) I love the emphasis here on the person of Jesus Christ. Tripp reminds us that our lives, in similitude to heaven itself, are not really about us. They are about Jesus. The changes that He wants to work in us are ultimately not FOR us, but for Him. We must remember that the Christian life is really not about us being happy and comfortable, but about us being transformed into the image of Christ for the glory of Christ. The Holy Spirit applied this to my heart by reminding me that although my sinful flesh often pushes to be first and insists on its own way, God put me on earth for a bigger, better, and more glorious reason: That is to glorify Him. This is done as I change and as I help other people to change. I need to remember this truth as I counsel others because God wants me to help others to focus on Him and His glory. God wants me to turn the gaze and focus of other people back on Jesus Christ so that they might take their myopic vision off of themselves.
A second significant point in the book is that not only is change necessary for the glory of God, but change is possible by the power of God. “Jesus is saying, ‘Because I have come, lasting heart change can take place’.” If Jesus, the King, had not come to earth, would lasting change be possible? It would not. Tripp states “You cannot escape sin because it dwells within you. All the things you learn get twisted by its power. You can’t outsmart it or buy your way out of it. You can’t move to escape it. This is why the coming of the King is the best of news. Change is possible! You can stand amid the harshest realities of sin and have hope that will never disappoint you (Rom. 5:1–5).” (p.6) We try will-power, self-help, positivistic messages, and psychological theories, but at the end of the day, we return to our sinful ways. We fall into self-loathing because we cannot seem to defeat even the smallest habits, and we feel constantly defeated. We determine that we will not speak out in anger or speak up in self-defense, yet we continue to return to these old ways. The truth is that we are not able to change ourselves because sin is in us. The old paths of the sin nature continue to push us down and force us into the ancient wagon ruts because we do not “reckon ourselves dead to sin and alive to God.” We can do this because we have died with Jesus Christ, and our lives are hid with Him. This is incredibly good news, because everyone, even those who hate God, has bad habits that they would like to change.
A third incredibly significant point in this book is the emphasis on sin. Our fundamental problem is not a lack of information, education, or reformation. What we really need is transformation. Tripp points out “The Bible says that our core problem, the fundamental reason we do what we do, is sin. What is being said here? Scripture is defining sin as a condition that results in behavior. We all are sinners, and because of this, we all do sinful things. This is why I said that our core problem precedes our experience.” (p.10) Tripp continues by pointing out what sin does to us. He call it “the grand psychosis” (p.12) and from pages 13 to 15 states that sin produces rebellion and foolishness which “renders us incapable of doing what God has ordained us to do.” This point was a great reminder for me spiritually, because I like to blame my problems on others. My flesh prefers to act as if the issues were someone else’s fault. The Lord has reminded me that I still sin because I am a sinner. My condition results in my behavior. This is helpful in counseling scenarios because a counselee prefers to blame his/her past, trauma, upbringing, parents, teachers, etc. The truth is that he does not control much of what goes on in his life, but what he can and must control is his reaction to scenarios and circumstances.
On page 126 is the beginning of a fourth point. There I found a graphic explaining “The Four Elements of a Loving Ministry Relationship”. These are requisite if a person is to be a help and blessing to others. Tripp states that the Christian must “Enter the person’s world, Incarnate the love of Christ. Identify with suffering. Accept with agenda.” Each of these four phrases could really be a full lesson. For instance, Tripp points out “There is no shortage of need in this world. Our problem is that we miss the opportunities God places in our path.” (p.126) He continues by teaching that the entry gate is not the problem, the situation, or another person. You must “ask, ‘what is this person struggling with in the midst of the situation?’” (p.127) He points out four things to listen four to identify this entry gate: emotional words, interpretive words, self talk, and God talk. (p.128) He follows this up by pointing out the beginning of change can appear in horizontal trust, vertical hope, and commitment to the process. The second phrase is aptly described thus “As Christ’s ambassadors, it’s not just what we say that God uses to encourage change in people; it’s also who we are and what we do.” (p.134) He offer four reasons to incarnate Christ in the relationships God gives us “1. It is a protection for you… 2. It offers a living example… 3. It gives evidence of what the Lord can do… 4. It keeps Christ central.” (pp.136-138) We also must identify with suffering. We cannot do so in a trite way, spouting truisms. We need to understand personal suffering. Tripp points out 5 key truths in this regard “1. The Bible clearly declares that God is sovereign over all things – even suffering… 2. The Bible clearly says that God is good… 3. The Bible clearly says that God has a purpose for our suffering… 4. The Bible explains the ultimate reason why we suffer… 5. The Bible is clear that God’s sovereignty over suffering never: means that the suffering isn’t real… [nor] excuses the evildoer.” (pp.143-144) Instead, Tripp reminds us that all suffering is for a purpose. God has a greater and higher purpose, that we often do not understand. The Lord has already been working on me about this specific truth. Approximately one and a half years ago I discovered that I had a tumor encased in my spinal nerves. There were certainly no neurosurgeons in our Peruvian jungle, nor could we find any good ones in the capital, so we traveled to Brazil for better care. No one would choose to have a spinal tumor, which was later revealed to be cancerous, but the Lord taught me a little about suffering. I often suspect that my difficulties are because God doesn’t love me. In fact, Romans 5 teaches us that our tribulations are used to work change in us precisely because God loves us. The Lord continues to teach me this important truth. This is extremely useful in counseling, because a large percentage of counselees come to us because they are suffering. It is also helpful to remember that we too are sufferers. Tripp writes “This is also the identity we share with those we seek to love and help.” (p.148). We are not above suffering, and already have or will suffer. For his fourth point, the author reminds us to accept with agenda. We must accept the counselees emotions as understandable, without intimating that they are always pleasing to God.
Finally, a really helpful point begins on page 175 with an emphasis on questions. He writes: “1. Always ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’… 2. Ask a combination of survey and focused questions… 3. Remember that certain kinds of questions reveal certain kinds of information… 4. Ask a progressive line of questions.” (pp.175-181) I found these questions, along with the reasoning, to be eminently practical for every counselor. I found myself convicted as I thought of times when I barged ahead with my own assumptions and ideas, disregarding caution and perhaps visual cues. Tripp points out “The forgiving and empowering grace of Christ is for sinners – the transgressor and the weak, the sufferer and the lost. People who do not see their need will not seek his help. But in the Messiah’s hands, our questions can become keys that open people’s prisons and cause them to rely upon Christ in new and profound ways.” (p.181) The questions given by Tripp will be of great help to every counselor who heeds them and uses them wisely in his counseling.
This book has a great many strengths. I relished the theoretical truths intertwined with Biblical theology at the beginning of the book, and I appreciate the helpful and practical points in the second part of the book. To be honest, it is difficult for me to think of weaknesses in the book. If anything is amiss, it is just too quotable.